Thursday, July 2

san anton'

i'm in san antonio for a few weeks. as a kid we would drive to SA every month or so to visit my grandmother, but i don't have many memories of the city as an adult. i wandered around the new riverwalk extension in a brutal 104 degree heat. don't ask me why because the only answer i have is "because."

when i get to a new place, i want to know every inch of it. i love exploring hidden alleys, climbing to the highest point, and taking every dead-end street just to see what's there. my parents can tell you i was just as thorough with my home environment. they love telling the story about the time i climbed the bathroom counter as a toddler. i'm sure i wanted to see what was up there, just out of sight.

there's also the famous incident on hike and bike trail. my folks were walking the path on town lake as i blasted ahead on my bike. we probably made some deal that i would stop and let them catch up, but i went into explorer mode. my parents freaked when they couldn't find me, called the police and started asking every jogger and walker to be on the look out.

i eventually pulled over someplace to wait for them. a jogger passed by and told me my folks were worried sick. i was "lost." i had been perfectly happy out front until that moment. i was in a panic to be "found." i raced back to where the car was parked. the reunion moment is a blur in my memory but there were tears and a squad car and later on some soft serve at mcdonalds.

there's still a tension for me between being the explorer and the fear of getting lost.

when i feel aimless and driftless, going exploring helps me find myself again. when i'm faced with the proposition of exploring a completely new chapter of my life, i fear getting lost. somewhere in there, in the ebb and flow of that tension, is my path.

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