hanging dumbly from tight hinges

scattered.

i can tell how important and close to deadline something is by the ever shortening of my fingernails. just a hair above bloody right now. much work yet to do.

i've been trying to use my days off to actually relax for a change. it's been a hard thing to do. after the first four hours, i get bored and anxious that my story is suffering and wish i was at work. if i work though, i feel burned out and wish i could just stare at a wall for four hours. a frustrating place to be. i'll figure out the balance eventually.

a bright spot this weekend was a long, lazy park stint with nick drake (the happier songs, i promise) and a tom robbins book. this man's metaphors always move me:

"There are times when we can feel destiny close around us like a fist around a doorknob. Sure, we can resist. But a knob that won't turn, a door that sticks and never budges, is a nuisance to the gods. The gods may kick in the jamb. Worse, they may walk away in disgust, leaving us to hang dumbly from our tight hinges, deprived of any other chance in life to swing open into unnecessary risk and thus into enchantment.''
- Tom Robbins, Fierce Invalids from Hot Climates